So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
