yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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