the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
