"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I need moral support for this bender
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
