tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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