I want to have your abortion
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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