Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
