I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
