This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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