Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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