Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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