Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
