ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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