Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
