So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
