Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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