Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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