if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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