she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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