How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
