I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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