Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
