I cannot find my penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
