I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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