Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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