He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
