I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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