Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
