Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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