Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
