Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
