Your dad touched me again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
