ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
