he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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