Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
