We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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