we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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