I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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