exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
