How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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