I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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