Im at strip club and am horny
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
