3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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