I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
