My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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