fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
