I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
