I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
