I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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