Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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